Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
