i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
