he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How naked do you want me to be?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
