is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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