Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
