...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
