So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
