I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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