just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
