Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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