How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
