she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
