TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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