Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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