I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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