I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
