whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
