HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
