I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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