apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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