thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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