I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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