all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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