We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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