I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Bring me that man meat
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
