Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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