Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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