i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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