my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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