u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My ass is underappreciated
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
