the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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