So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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