she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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