my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
