He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
