A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
