Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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