I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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