just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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