i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
