drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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