Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the night ended with taco bell and tears
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
And then he peed in my hair
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