ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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