So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
