My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
