I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
