When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
