I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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