Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
