My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
