the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
