I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
