Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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