dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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