FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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