Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I will be naked everywhere
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
