My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
