you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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