so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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