It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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